Blog | Subscribe | Free Trial | Contact Us | Cart | Donate | Planned Giving
Log In | Search
facebook
rss
twitter
  • CURRENT
    • Winter 2023
    • NEWSworthy: What’s Happening and What It Means to You
    • Blog
    • INSISTING ON LIFE
    • Pastoral Reflections
    • About Us
    • HLF In The News
    • LIBERTY TO DO WHAT? Hadley Arkes and Rusty Reno join George McKenna June 1, 2022 in New York
  • DINNER
    • GREAT DEFENDER OF LIFE DINNER 2022
    • HOST COMMITTEE Great Defender of Life Dinner 2022
    • Great Defender of Life 2022 Dinner Ticket
    • Great Defender of Life 2022 STUDENT or PREGNANCY CENTER STAFF Ticket
    • DINNER JOURNAL ADVERTISING 2022
  • ARCHIVE
    • Archive Spotlight
    • ISSUES IN HTML FORMAT
  • LEGACY
    • Planned Giving: Wills, Trusts, and Gifts of Stock
  • SHOP
    • Cart

BLOG

0 Comment

Never Men?

19 Nov 2018
Stephen Vincent
man
Print Friendly, PDF & Email

 

As difficult as it may be for me to maintain a positive view of the future, I am obligated to crack an optimistic smile on occasion for the benefit of my two teenage sons. Yet as one embarks on his college career, and the other prepares to enter high school next year, I need to find a way to communicate my concern for the future of men in our society. How do I tell my collegian that he might be suspect just for being a man? Or, if that sounds overstated, at the very least I need to explain that men today are asked to apologize for the masculinity that they should rightly embrace.

Of course, there is some background to the current suspicion of men and the heated command recently issued by the female senator from Hawaii for men to “shut up” over issues of sexual harassment. A significant number of men have behaved horribly in relation to women, enough to cast a shadow over us all. And when you think about it, this should not be as surprising as it seems to be in these days of supposed sameness of the sexes. A quick survey of cultural norms throughout history would suggest that women have not much trusted men when it comes to sex. To greater or lesser degrees, culture has built a wall or a rule of etiquette around women to spare them from the unwanted advances of men. True, the elaborate and exhausting conventions explained in breathless detail by young Pamela in Samuel Richardson’s 18th-century novel may have been exaggerated even for the day. Yet there is no denying that women throughout many ages have been set apart from, and often above the reach of young men by cultural conventions and personal preference. You may argue that these conventions served male interests more than female—to protect his “possession” or assure the legitimacy of his offspring—but at the heart of the rules was the sure knowledge that most men will try to get their way with women socially, emotionally, economically, and, not least, physically.

In our strange day of sexual liberation and the ascendant feminine, we are not supposed to know this. We are asked to be shocked (shocked!) when men act like beasts, or at least move with the single focus and force of a hunter. We live in an age of eros interruptus, when the concept of free sex is celebrated, mimed, and memed on nearly every media platform, yet the actual expression of eros, in all its creative splendor and excess, is quashed, hushed, and hissed at as the ultimate taboo. Men are asked, none too politely at times, simply to “shut up,” listen, and let women make the rules.

Now there’s nothing inherently wrong with women making rules about sex, and seeking to curb or attract male interest and action. As stated above, women have been doing just that through cultural conventions for ages. What concerns me these days is the often explicit assumption that because women must seek to protect themselves, there is something wrong with men as men; that somehow the drive of a man to mate, or more rudely, copulate, is the root of the problem, and masculinity is by its nature “toxic.” Years ago, a 20-something guy from work was surprised at my reaction when he told me of “hooking up” with his girlfriend. Knowing my moral standards, he said that he and she shared a bed yet spent the night cuddling. No intercourse, he assured me, assuming I’d approve at least of that. I told the young man that he was unworthy of manhood. It was bad enough for him to get into bed with a woman not his wife, but that he was then content with mere puppy love added insult to the injury of his masculinity. By “playing house” and mimicking the behavior of husband and wife, he had marred the dignity of marriage. I predicted that he and his girlfriend would never marry, and I was correct. Each wound up wedded to another.

A further concern for me is the “never men” mentality that is supported by science and law at the most elite levels. What does it say about the status of men when two “married” women can employ artificial insemination to make a family, or two men can rent a womb to make a baby that is contractually theirs? How is the contribution of a man valued when his wife, or girlfriend, can abort a baby he may never know he helped to procreate? We talk rightly about the wrong of objectifying women in pornography. But men are being objectified, valued more for their sperm than themselves in the process of in vitro fertilization, increasingly sought by the rich and comfortable to fulfill a desire for children. This is the no longer new “brave new world” that my sons are growing up within.

This blog, by its very topic, will not satisfy even me. When it comes to relations between men and women, there is always an additional point to make, a nuance that will temper an overstatement, an urge to add “but I didn’t mean it quite like that.” As Proverbs says, the way between a man and a woman is among the eternal mysteries (Prv 30:19), and I will not attempt here to iron out all the rough edges of my points or descend to disclaimers.

What I want to do is to figure out what to tell my teenage sons, while not filling them with dread about their relations with the opposite sex, prospects for a happy marriage, and children that are truly their own. I want them to feel comfortable and empowered by their precious masculinity while manifesting the greatest respect for each and every woman in their lives. I want them to know that while anyone can be born male, true manhood is an achievement. It is reached through work, prayer, suffering, and a lifelong commitment to the virtues of faith, hope, and charity, practiced for their own good and the good of others.

 

 

170 people have visited this page. 1 have visited this page today.
About the Author
Stephen Vincent

Stephen Vincent writes from Connecticut.

Social Share

  • google-share

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Comments will not be posted until approved by a moderator in an effort to prevent spam and off-topic responses.

*
*

captcha *

Get the Human Life Review

subscribe to HLR

Recent Posts

Legal Issues on Chemical Abortions

13 Mar 2023

HHS weighs declaring access to abortion a "public health emergency’

08 Mar 2023

Rihanna’s Super Bowl pregnancy announcement is an unexpected pro-life moment

15 Feb 2023

CURRENT ISSUE

Anne Conlon Anne Hendershott B G Carter Brian Caulfield Christopher White Clarke Forsythe Colleen O’Hara Connie Marshner David Mills David Poecking David Quinn Diane Moriarty Dr. Donald DeMarco Edward Mechmann Edward Short Ellen Wilson Fielding Fr. Gerald E. Murray George McKenna Helen Alvaré Jane Sarah Jason Morgan Joe Bissonnette John Grondelski Kathryn Jean Lopez Kristan Hawkins Laura Echevarria Madeline Fry Schultz Maria McFadden Maffucci Mary Meehan Mary Rose Somarriba Meaghan Bond Nat Hentoff Nicholas Frankovich Patrick J. Flood Peter Pavia Rev. George G. Brooks Rev. Paul T. Stallsworth Stephen Vincent Tara Jernigan Ursula Hennessey Victor Lee Austin Vincenzina Santoro W. Ross Blackburn Wesley J. Smith William Murchison

Pages

  • Issues
  • Human Life Foundation Blog
  • About Us
  • Free Trial Issue
  • Contact Us
  • Shop
  • Planned Giving
  • TOPICS
  • GREAT DEFENDER OF LIFE DINNER

Follow Us On Twitter

Tweets by @HumanLifeReview

Find Us On Facebook

Human Life Review/Foundation

Search our Website

Contact Information

The Human Life Foundation, Inc.
The Human Life Review
271 Madison Avenue, Room 1005
New York, New York 10016
(212) 685-5210

Copyright (c) The Human Life Foundation.