[This (2009) column is reprinted from Fun Is Not Enough, a collection of Fr. Francis Canavan’s Catholic eye columns edited by Dawn Eden Goldstein and published in 2017.]

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Since man is a social animal, his life is based on relationships. Some of them are accidental, others are chosen but temporary, and still others have to be grown into; and these last are the ones that are most important in shaping a human life.

Two strangers may happen to sit next to each other on a transatlantic flight. They strike up a friendly and interesting conversation, and sincerely thank each other when they arrive in the U.S.A. But they never meet again, so their temporary association does not lead to a friendship and does not seriously affect either life.

The most important relationships run far more deeply and really shape lives. One of the most basic ones is marriage between a man and a woman, which today is ordinarily a free choice. But if we can rely on what the media report, half the marriages in this country break up and lead to divorce and custody fights.

On the other hand, we have the relationship between brother and sister, which, even if it turns into mutual hatred, does not change the fact that they look alike and have the same physical heritage. But being born of the same parents is not the only source of family bonds. Many of us feel a strong relationship with uncles and aunts, and cousins within the second degree of kinship (beyond which they can marry one another).

The bonds among extended family members are lesser but can be close, as when the family bond leads nieces and nephews to visit aging aunts and uncles. But this physical relationship is not the most important one in human lives. The truly important ones have to be “grown into.”

The success of a marriage is not established by pledging “until death do us part,” but by husband and wife growing into each other. They don’t grow to look alike, but they do grow in knowing each other and in giving themselves to each other. This is a consequence of growing into a unity of minds and hearts.

We tell teenagers to grow up and they do—by becoming taller. But what we really mean is grow into maturity.

We can also grow in love of our country, especially if we have not been made to feel like foreigners. Growing into one’s country means feeling, “this is my own, my native land,” or at least my adopted one. I was born in New York to Irish-born U.S. citizens and I have that feeling when I hear a Noo Yawk accent.

The deepest and most important love is love of God, our Creator and Savior. We may have been taught about God and grown up believing in him. The Bible teaches us to fear God, and indeed we should, or we shall think of ourselves as gods and goddesses. But it is essential to arrive at a belief in God that is a growing love for and trust in him as Absolute Truth, Absolute Beauty, and Absolute Good, to be with whom is the goal and purpose of our life in this world.

To the modern mind, this is nonsense. As that mind sees it, there is no world other than this world, and no life after the one we live here. Therefore, as I have said in an earlier column, in this view of life all that we hope for has to be gotten here before we die.

But if we determine to trust God for everlasting life with him, we must grow into him. Not that we shall become parts of God, but that by surrendering our selfish wills and growing into his will, we shall find peace of mind in this present life and eternal joy in the next one. The lives of countless men and women who have given themselves to God prove the first one, and give us concrete hope for the second.

How do we go about making God’s will a central part of our lives? I do not mean to exclude people of other faiths who sincerely try, but for us Catholics, we can make daily prayers for knowledge and strength to do his will, by receiving the sacraments, and by heeding St. Paul’s words: “Pray always.” This can be done all day long by reciting short phrases such as “Into your hands, Lord, I commend my spirit,” and “Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners.”

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—Fr. Francis Canavan, S.J. (1917-2009), was a professor of political science at Fordham University and the author of several books, including The Political Reason of Edmund Burke (Duke University Press, 1960), Edmund Burke: Prescription and Providence (Carolina Academic Press, 1987), and The Political Economy of Edmund Burke (Fordham University Press, 1995). He also wrote many essays, scholarly and popular, several of them for the Human Life Review.