[This interview is reprinted, with permission, from Verily Magazine’s Creativity Issue, Fall 2024.(verilymag.com)]

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These days, it’s rare for a day to go by without the topic of abortion making U.S. headlines. For many men and women who have been touched by the issue, this can stir up mixed emotions. One group, Support After Abortion, is putting politics aside to serve those impacted.

Mary Rose Somarriba: I recently learned about your work at Support After Abortion. Tell me about your organization and what you do.

Kylee Jean Heap: Support After Abortion is a nonprofit dedicated to helping women and men impacted after abortion.

We do two things: First, when people who are struggling with their grief and emotions reach out to us for help, we connect them with healing options they prefer. That may be one-on-one, group, or independent; counseling or peer facilitator; virtual, in person, or self-guided; religious or secular; weekend, weekly, or self-paced; and so on. Second, we equip providers—peer leaders, counselors, therapists, and others. We offer curriculum, resources, and trainings to help them bring hope, healing, and restored wellbeing to those who are hurting.

We strive to inspire compassion for those struggling after abortion, promote collaboration among and with abortion healing providers, and build capacity for abortion healing.

MRS: How did you get into this work?

KJH: I first learned about Support After Abortion and its mission shortly after its launch in 2020. I was struck by its focus on addressing root causes of abortion and the critical insights gained from its research, particularly the need to provide people with healing resources that align with their needs and preferences—including virtual, clinical, and secular in addition to the more traditional in-person, lay facilitator, and religious options.

With a background in pharmaceutical research, where I coauthored over 50 peer-reviewed journal articles and presentations over 18 years, the organization’s foundation in research-based, client-directed care really resonated with me. Support After Abortion’s evidence-based approach to offering compassion, hope, and healing has been a natural and meaningful extension of my career.

MRS: There are tons of mental health resources for women post-birth, but not so much postabortion. Can you tell us why you think that is?

KJH: Mental health resources for women after childbirth often focus on postpartum depression and anxiety, with therapy and support groups becoming more accessible. Studies show that about 20 percent of women and 25 percent of men face these challenges.

In contrast, support for emotional struggles after abortion is less common, even though many experience similar issues like depression, anxiety, anger, and grief. Research from Support After Abortion found that 34 percent of women and 71 percent of men are affected, but only 18 percent know where to find help.

This gap is partly due to the political focus on abortion’s legal aspects rather than the emotional impact on individuals. Unlike postpartum care, which is generally seen as a nonpolitical issue, support for those struggling after abortion can be mired in political conflict. Some people avoid acknowledging these struggles, while others feel that those affected don’t deserve support. At Support After Abortion, we provide compassionate, nonjudgmental care because emotional healing is a human need, not a political issue.

MRS: Hardly a week goes by without news on abortion access for different states. How do news feeds affect the women you talk with in your work?

KJH: Immediately after Dobbs, some clients contacted us because the decision was triggering for them, such as these clients:

“I’m really triggered by the Supreme Court ruling . . . I have struggled with my emotions since my pill abortion last year I get triggered when I see pregnant women or when friends post their ultrasound pictures. My thoughts are overwhelming.”

“I had an abortion 50 years ago. This ruling is bringing up a massive amount of feelings and trauma, and I just want to talk to somebody.”

Clients mention how Dobbs impacted them personally, particularly traveling to other states to have abortions, mail ordering medication abortions, and feeling an increased urgency to make a fast decision—which they are now regretting or struggling with—mainly due to gestational restrictions on access. Such as this client:

I’m calling out of desperation. I had an abortion six months ago. I live in a state with a heartbeat bill, and I had little to no time to make a decision, and the guy was completely unsupportive. It’s hard to move on with my life. There are days I can’t get out of bed because of the baby. I used to be a workaholic, but since the abortion, I haven’t been able to keep a steady job. When I envisioned my life, it wasn’t this. My mom is prolife, so I can’t go to her. My friends were there with me, but they don’t understand my feelings. I’ve been holding this in for so long, and you’ve opened a safe space for me. Thank you. You don’t even understand how helpful this is to me.

Clients also talk about the pressure and impact they feel from polarized conversations about abortion, both within their own circles and nationally. This client summarizes well the type of thing we hear:

This is not about politics. People are all out of shape because of the abortion law last year [Dobbs ruling]. But it’s all about getting help for us and the people who need it.

MRS: I’ve noticed that you use the wording “people who have experienced abortion” instead of “post-abortive,” can you explain why?

KJH: Great question! It’s pretty common now not to use labeling language like “alcoholic” or “addict” because it reduces people to just that one part of their story. Instead, it’s best practice to say, “person who misuses alcohol” or “person with substance addiction.” Likewise, when it comes to those who have experienced abortion, it’s important to use person-centered language that acknowledges the person first, and doesn’t label them by their experience, so we can offer them the respect, dignity, and compassion they deserve. One hospital social work team in a major metropolitan area changed their wording from “postabortion” to “after-abortion” due to our Language Matters resource.

Two other person-centered reasons we use those terms are because first, it avoids stigmatizing people who have had more than one abortion. We use the plural “abortion(s)” or wording that could be singular or plural, such as “experienced abortion.” And second, it acknowledges the lived experiences of the many women and men who did not feel as if they had a choice or were part of a decision, often because of their circumstances or pressure from other people. For them, the words “chose” and “decided” can have a triggering effect or a negative, judging connotation. There is also value in focusing on the experience, which includes many factors and more than one point in time, rather than the singular focus of an assumed choice or decision.

MRS: I’ve also noticed you mentioning men in many of your responses. Often people think only of women in abortion conversations. Are men really impacted?

KJH: You’re so right that often men are not considered in abortion discussions, and their emotions and grief after abortion are often ignored or dismissed. Yet by age 45, one in four women will experience abortion and one in five men will experience abortion through a partner’s termination. Our research shows that 34% of women and 71% of men report adverse changes after abortion, such as depression, anxiety, anger, isolation, etc. And four out of five men (83%) and two out of five (63%) women either looked for help or said they could have benefited from talking to someone. Yet only 18% had any idea of where to go for help.

Beyond data, what really brings truth to light are the words shared by men themselves–our clients, event attendees, support group participants, and others. For example, one male client told us, “I don’t think people realize how [abortion] affects men also. I’ve been so depressed since the abortion. I cry out of nowhere because of it. I have a hard time getting out of bed or doing anything.” Another said, “Even though I’m prochoice, I was surprised I felt so much. I thought since I was okay with abortion I wouldn’t be affected.” One other man shared, “She wanted the baby. I didn’t. But afterwards I went into a deep suicidal depression. No one told me the abortion would affect me like that. It was supposed to solve the problem.”

We have found it’s essential to support men as well as women, so they too have the opportunity to be heard and offered options for healing to restore their wellbeing. For this reason, we have created versions of our Keys to Hope and Healing and Unraveled Roots resources specifically geared to men. And this year, we launched our monthly Men’s Healing Matters webinar led by men to equip providers to care for men.

MRS: Can you speak briefly to the pressures women experience when it comes to choosing abortion?

KJH: Abortion experiences often are influenced by pressure from partners, family, or personal circumstances—including financial stability, relationship issues, education and career concerns, caring for other children—adding layers of emotional complexity. These pressures can leave them grappling with feelings, such as grief, guilt, depression, and isolation, making the need for support even more critical afterward. We understand that abortion experiences can further complicate and/or lead to profound emotional struggles. We provide a compassionate and understanding space offering the support women and men need to process their feelings and begin their healing journeys.

MRS: From your work and research, what do you find helps women who have experienced abortion better tend to their mental health needs?

KJH: I’ve found that one of the most important ways to help women and men tend to their mental health needs after abortion is by ensuring they feel heard. It’s vital to create spaces where they can share their stories without fear of judgment or shame. Speaking with compassion and using person-first language—whether on social media, in-person conversations, or in the news—makes a significant difference. It’s about recognizing the individual, not defining them solely by their experience. We also need to strive to make these conversations accessible in everyday settings, like around the dinner table, so that families can engage with empathy and a willingness to understand in order to create an environment that fosters healing.

One of the tools I’ve found particularly effective is our four-step conversation process that guides people to examine their biases, walk in compassion, ask if the person would like to share, and connect them to support. By acknowledging the complexity of each person’s experience, offering space to be heard, listening and speaking with compassion, and responding with care, we can help them not to feel isolated and help them navigate their journey to restored wellbeing. Compassionate, respectful conversations are key to that healing process.

MRS: For those reading this who have experienced abortion, what would you like to say to them?

KJH: For anyone who has been impacted by abortion, I would like to say, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. If you want to talk about your experience, we’re here to listen and support you. You are not alone, many people have struggled after abortion and found hope, healing, and peace. We would be honored to start this journey with you and connect you to the type of healing resource that would best fit your preferences and needs. Please, reach out. You matter. We are here for you.

Then I would want to offer information to connect with Support After Abortion for confidential, compassionate support at no cost to them.

After Abortion Line

Call or text: 844289HOPE (4673) Email: help@supportafterabortion.com

Website Chat at www.supportafterabortion.com.

Private messaging on Instagram @support_after_abortion and on Facebook @SupportAfterAbortion.

Words from women and men who have experienced abortion

My abortion was the biggest secret I ever carried. I never thought I would get out of the darkness that I was engulfed in. I felt completely alone and misunderstood. Then I found Support After Abortion. They connected me with a Keys to Hope and Healing group, and I saw light breaking through. My secret changed, my life changed.

It’s like a cloud of guilt and depression follows me since my abortion two years ago. I’m also extremely angry because I was vulnerable and looking for guidance, but felt pressured to choose abortion. Nobody discussed other options with me. My friends and family who know are extremely prochoice and don’t want to hear anything different from their opinions. And those who don’t know, aren’t prochoice, and they’ll judge me and make me feel worse. My boyfriend and I argue about it a lot. He basically said I made the choice, and I have to stick with it now, even though when I told him I was pregnant, his first words were “when are you getting rid of it?” When we talked after the abortion, he said he felt bad, but thought it was what he was supposed to do.

I’m struggling. I’ve had so much to deal with—sexual abuse, being trafficked, addiction. My abortion still affects me, and it’s gotten worse with time. I felt very alone then and now. I’m afraid people or society will judge me. I’m worried about eternity. At times I wish I could just die.

I’m suffering from depression and anxiety since the abortion three months ago. We made the decision together, but I am having a really hard time. I need help, someone to talk to.

I’m 16 and had an abortion last year. I didn’t want the abortion, but my boyfriend and his family forced me. It’s affected me everyday. I think about it a lot, regret follows me, and I feel so mad at my boyfriend all the time. But I feel like I can’t leave him because I’m attached to him because of the baby. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this.

It’s been good to have someone to talk to. I have no one. I can’t even tell my girlfriend what I’m thinking and feeling. Thank you for making me feel like I matter.

Almost ten years ago I got my girlfriend pregnant. She didn’t want to keep it. Being a dad is what I always wanted. To this day it haunts me to the core. Because of it I sunk into a depression and lost who I was. I still have trouble being around babies or even accidentally walking down the baby aisle. I still would like a family of my own, but I need to get around this first. Please, help me.

I didn’t want the abortion. I’m in my 30s and have always wanted children. But I felt like I had to. My parents are both pastors and told me the baby wasn’t of God because it was through sin. They told me I’d just become a statistic if I had the baby because I’m not financially stable and the father isn’t around. I keep crying. I’d like to talk to a counselor, but since abortion is illegal in my state, that worries me.

Life keeps getting worse since my abortion. I can’t even get out of bed anymore, but also can’t sleep, can’t function. My life is ruined, and I’m completely shattered.

I don’t know how to get past this. It’s so heavy. I’m seeing a counselor, but it hasn’t helped yet. I don’t know how I thought I could bear this weight.

I’m pregnant again and could not consider abortion this time after going through the Keys to Hope and Healing abortion healing program. Thank you!

I feel guilt, regret, and extreme sadness after having an abortion. I feel so depressed, and I’m struggling massively to sleep, eat, or even think properly. It’s getting worse. I am seriously struggling with my mental health.

I’m very emotional since my abortion. I live in a state where abortion is banned, so I traveled to another state. There were protestors, and I felt like a criminal. Helplines I called made me feel like I was making the right decision. I’m pretty liberal and prochoice, but I never thought I would have to make the decision myself. And I couldn’t have known how I would truly feel afterward. I feel shameful, guilty, and like I stole something from my other kids. My friends are all prochoice like me, and don’t understand my struggles.

Thank you for talking with me. It has made me feel less alone and given me hope. The group you connected me with was so caring. Being able to tell my story without judgment and hear others share was powerful. It helped me find my voice and identify the best coping skills for me.

Keys to Hope and Healing saved me. It helped me accept my emotions and that it’s okay to be vulnerable and upset. Even now, years later, I know it’s okay when something triggers a memory or I get sad. I can move on. I’m just so much healthier.

I have been so focused on healing from the aftermath of my abortion that I neglected the trauma that came before it—the abandonment I felt, the abuse I endured, and the dysfunction I grew up in. Unraveled Roots helped to put the pieces together as to why I even got to the point where I was facing the abortion decision in the first place. My trauma was so much deeper than I imagined.”

I recently went through the group Support After Abortion referred me to. It brought so much healing. How grateful I am for you and your guidance during this early part of my healing.